Life Is Meant To Be Escaped

"...And even then, I want humans dead, not animals.  Animals are the only innocent things left. I do believe that even the trees are bastards.

“Yes. But that would require me becoming a doctor and having an international Euthanasia hospital like that one in Switzerland.”

“World Domination by Euthanasia – that's something to make a movie about.”

It would be interesting if someone managed kill the world off by assisted suicide or talking people into suicide. I do not understand the debate on Euthanasia – if someone wishes to catch the bus, someone else should be able to give help to get a ticket without being punished. In fact, they should be rewarded greatly. It takes much understanding of the world and human nature to see that life is not meant to be lived – it is meant to escape. That is all humans do. They spend their time immersed in hobbies to escape the world. The whole point of television is to escape life, as well as reading, talking, and everything else people waste their time with. They spend so much time, which they consider “precious”, working at petty, comfortable jobs so they can afford houses and food and things that keep them from experiencing life.  Life is being curled up in painful hunger, naked, dripping blood while the world smiles down on you in everything but kindness. As said by Freud, “Life is impoverished; it loses its interest, when the highest stake in the game of living, life itself, cannot be risked.” I argue that life is all but impoverished. The highest risk indeed is the living of life itself and the irritabilities that come along with it. Life was never an interest of which to lose; I chose not to be born, but alas, I was as was everyone else using petty means to escape such the “gift” they label life. I know the truth. People let time do all the work for them and in return, experience much more pain than they should have to. I have found the permanent, quick escape route. Time kills slowly and I am not a child of patience..."

Erika ["Euthanasia" by Jessi E.S]

Erika Endsley

Ixtab:Goddess of Suicide

In my days of research of creepy things, I have only once come across a Goddess of Suicide. There is a God or Goddess for everything else; sun, moon, love, war, life......you name it, some Being already took it. Shop elsewhere.  Even the Mayans took a Suicide Goddess.

Ixtab apparently preferred for people to sacrifice themselves by the way of hanging. She has been called "She of the Rope." She may also be a variant of the Moon Goddess, supposedly beautiful, or the skanky Deceit Goddess Ixtabay. Of course, in modern times, she would be associated with the Devil, or, in my opinion and perhaps more poetic, Satan's wife. 

Most cultures have always shunned suicide and some believe deities are actually man-made creations to prevent human beings from killing themselves when faced with the reality of their mortality. Apparently, the Mayans were different. This proves something I have been thinking about as of late; morality, and normalcy, are entirely subjective to the culture and the time in which one exists. Ancient Greeks used boys for toys and women for babies and I doubt the young boys were traumatized by their experiences because it was the norm. Now that it's not the norm, such boys would have repressed memories and scars for LIFE because of it not being the norm (and no, I do not think it should be the norm.)

So as far as the mental state of Mayans sacrificing themselves to Ixtab - I doubt most of them were psychologically damaged. At least not anymore than the religious martyrs of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. 

Erika Endsley

Self-Murder VS Wish of Non-Existence

A common misconception exists about people who want to die. 

Some people want to kill themselves. They not only want to end their existence, but they want to do it themselves; they are the self-loathers. This is akin to hating an enemy so much you would like to murder them, such as a backstabbing friend or a cheating spouse (and probably the dumb broad he cheated with.) In this instance, the suicidal subject is their own enemy and therefore there exists an inner desire to annihilate the enemy. Self-Murdering types tend to self-injure among having other unhealthy habits. These people do indeed want to die, but they don't just want to die, they want to murder their own being.

Other people simply want to die. They no longer wish to exist. This could be for a vast amount of reasons; loss of faith, loss of stability, long-term depression, hopelessness. This is a less enthusiastic kind of suicidality. You may find these people sleeping a lot - taking cold pills to knock out, drinking until they pass out, hitting themselves in the head with a baseball bat. They may feel like sleeping is the next best thing to death, save the nightmares they have incessantly. These types may self-injure, like the first type, and not necessarily out of self-loathing, but due to the psychological release and perhaps being able to reconnect with reality momentarily.

The solution for both of these types is self-offing. For the first type, it's the goal; to murder the self, the enemy. The the second type commits suicide as a byproduct of no longer wanting to be. Both types are suicidal, but the nature of their suicidality is vastly different and even more vastly misunderstood.

Erika Endsley 

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Erika Endsley

Dignitas

I wrote an entire novel about a twisted version of "assisted suicide"

 which is called "Euthanasia." The novel began with a ping in my

 brain when I came across information about Dignitas five years ago 

when I was fifteen. 

            Dignitas is a medically assisted suicide program located near Zurich, Switzerland. The team of practitioners who work there assist terminally ill or chronically mentally ill patients in killing themselves. There has been much debate on whether or not assisted suicide is morally sound, but under Swiss law, it certainly is. (Assisted suicide is different from euthanasia in that the patient must consume the dose of poison themselves.) I personally feel that if animals are given the mercy to die peacefully, we homo-sapiens deserve the same right. 

            Dignitas has helped 1,032 chronically ill and depressed people die since 1998. Most of the people who use the program come to Switzerland from America, the United Kingdom, and Germany (naturally, considering how high of a suicide rate Germans have as it is.)

Some families of people who chose to end their lives through Dignitas still face criminal charges in their home-lands. I believe this to be absurd and illogical; the person who chose to die is dead already, what is the point in trying to punish anyone? If someone is terminally ill and in incessant pain, physical or mental, it is their own right to choose to end their life. Life is an instance in which quality comes into play before quantity but in our own country (America), it is humane to put a dog out of its misery whereas a human being is left to suffer because they have a “sacred right to life.” What about the sacred right to death? What about the inevitability of death to begin with? Most anti-Euthanasia or anti-assisted suicide groups are religious in nature and therefore without the basic logic needed to make solid decisions about what should and should not be legal. Their morality is subjective and  therefore, faulty. A bit of nihilism always helps in these situations. 

            Dignitas is thorough in their diagnosis of those wishing to die through their program. It is by no means a “walk-in-clinic.” The Swiss doctors must examine the patient and their history.

“Dignitas must keep strictly to Swiss law.  They cannot help people whose condition

may improve either by itself or with treatment.  They accept those who are terminally

ill or suffering unbearably from symptoms that cannot be relieved.

As of February 2006 Dignitas has helped 493 individuals to act upon their choice to

die, more than half of them from Germany and Britain.  To date, at least five people

in Australia have availed themselves of this help. “ (Bell, Gordon.)

            The way in which the doctors at Dignitas go about assisting each patient in their death is very methodical. Although several methods have been practiced, one remains the long-held tradition for those wishing to be assisted in suicide. It appears to be a very peaceful method using the drug pentobarbital, which is no longer legal in the United States, and which many people seek on the Black Market where it runs about $300 for a small container. I won't tell you where you can go to find it because it isn't my intention to help you kill yourself. However, this is how it's done.

In 2008, Dignitas used breathing helium gas as a suicide method instead of a Nembutal overdose several times. However, in general, Dignitas uses the following protocol: an oral dose of an anti-emetic drug (to prevent vomit), followed approximately 30 minutes later by a lethal overdose of powdered Nembutal (4 grams or more) dissolved in a glass of water or fruit juice. I would prefer to have mine with wine, personally. The drugs can be ingested via a drinking straw if you choose to be so fancy. The Nembutal overdose depresses the central nervous system, causing the person to become drowsy and fall asleep within 10 minutes of drinking it. Anaesthesia progresses to coma as the person's breathing becomes shallow. Death is caused by respiratory arrest, which occurs within 30 minutes of ingesting the Nembutal. Bingo, you're dead. 

The Nembutal method is much more humane and peaceful than methods such as injection or any one of the horrific ways people may try to commit suicide at home. It is a fast and guaranteed successful death. No brain explosion, no bloody bathtub, no splattered human remains on the sidewalk. 

            Family members often accompany the suicidal person in mind to Switzerland to be in the room with them when Dignitas administers the drug. Each death is recorded and the patient is asked repeatedly if they truly wish to die. The poison is given in a cup or dispensed by a machine depending on the nature of the patient’s ailments. Their family stays with them as they lose consciousness and the medical personnel waits to check for a pulse. The patient is pronounced dead.   

Perfect.

To read my novel heavily based on assisted suicide, a psychopathic teenage girl, and a pact, go to www.lulu.com/euthanasia

It's kind of my only income.

Erika Endsley

            

Impulsers and Chronics

There seems to exist two main types of suicidal people; those who feel impulsive and act accordingly, and the less common chronically suicidal subjects.

                Most cases of suicide or suicidal behavior stem from the first type, which I will call Impulsers. A breakup happens, and suicide comes to the forefront of the mind. A job loss. A family death. Accidentally dropping your favorite coffee cup. Anything sudden, perhaps, could trigger the Impulser even if said Impulser is generally mentally sound. Most people who call hotlines (which surprisingly love to put people on hold) are Impulse types. This type of suicidality is messy, often ending in either a gunshot which leaves scattered teeth for the family to find, or a fall from a building which wasn’t quite high enough, leaving the Impulser a cripple which in turn will create a Chronic of them.

                The second type is what I will call a Chronic. These are the people who are suicidal and depressed for years on end, ones who have made attempts; those who have carefully written “escape plans” stored in a journal somewhere. Chronics can indeed come out of their suicidal feelings, if only for a moment, but more often than not, they relapse into their despair which I can only describe as heart-wrenching apathy. These people want to die, and they want to die all the time. Their suicidality is persistent. I have visited forums, groups for pro-suicide people; places in which people form pacts with other people who are too chicken to die alone, trade suicide plans like recipes (sometimes they ARE recipes, such as Nembutal…), rant, and say their goodbyes online rather than leaving a note to those who actually know them (the argument is that if they really knew them, they wouldn’t need a note to understand the suicide.)

                Nothing is particularly delightful about either type, Impulsers or Chronics. The only sunny side to chronic suicidality is that a subject who is chronically suicidal has more time to seek help – hence the word chronic. Someone acting on impulse is not going to have time to make an appointment with a psychologist or pill-dispensing shrink; a Chronic has been so depressingly apathetic about existence for so long that the subject will often decide they “may as well” give therapeutic practice a chance before acting on their often very rigid and well-thought out escape plans. You may also reverse this sentence.

                I suppose there is another slight upside for the Chronic – if they do indeed follow through with such a plan, it has a much better chance of working than that of an Impulser. However, the Impulser has the advantage of the light at the end of the tunnel once the desperation to end the pain has subsided; this is something the Chronic rarely experiences.

Erika Endsley

Self-Offing: Lighten Up.

Perhaps the subject of self-offing is taken a little too seriously.

 …I must request of you to re-straighten your panties from their quickly formed wad brought on by the statement prior. I said the subject is taken a little too seriously, not the action. The action itself is irreversible and most often performed or attempted impulsively. Impulsive actions rarely get us what we desire; if we desire death, planning is crucial. However, the subject of suicide itself is often ignored and pushed to the back of the mind regardless of one simple fact; we have all thought about it.

The French philosopher and novelist Albert Camus eloquently spoke of suicide when he said, “Suicide is prepared within the silence of the heart, as is a great work of art.” He also claimed that God is an invention of man as a suicide-prevention, and that the only liberty in life is to truly come to terms with our own mortality and the death of those we hold dear. I am not here to speak about God, because God can speak for Himself if He so chooses, but I do agree with Camus in terms of the popular use of blind belief in a deity which unconditionally cares about you, and that each person does have a purpose,  in order to prevent self-offing and other-person-offing in a psychological fashion. Religion is a source of comfort for many.

                A less popular notion is that suicide itself is a source of comfort for many. It is an escape plan; it is the ultimate cure. Many people, neurotic or not, take solace in the knowledge that one day it will indeed all be over, and that if they wish, they can make it all be over much more quickly. Life can be viewed in much the same fashion as an exam – you manage to make it through the exam even if you know little of the material or have a rather unpredictable professor because you know that it will soon be over and you can rest. Perhaps this is why suicide rates are climbing and death is suddenly in style along with self-injury. “My cuts are deeper than yours!”

                Although obnoxious and potentially offensive to people with deep-rooted self-injury issues who go through lengths to keep their secret what a secret indeed is, maybe the teen culture has a point. Teen years are often about rebellion. Depending on the decade, teenagers are rebelling against parents, government, wearing bras, non-explicit music, and now, finally, against life itself. Most of the cat-scratchers aren’t serious about suicide and may not even feel a real desire to harm themselves. Some may be, eyeballing the whole idea from afar, testing waters on their wrists in the bathroom stalls at school after an embarrassing moment or a rejection of some kind. These may be the people who eventually grow to make real attempts rather than dismissible gestures.

                The psychology behind suicide, also known as suicidology, never fails to be a squirm-inducing conversational topic. This is because no one wants to actually admit that it has crossed their mind at some point, even simply from a “what if” perspective. You will hear things like “I would never…that’s for cowards…how awful…why would you even think to bring this up…” Yeah, but guess what? People lie. There is a stigma attached to the mere thought of self-offing and no one wants a stigma attached to their face like a big flashing sign that says NOT VERY STABLE. As I said, it is taken too seriously as a subject, and because of this, people are often afraid to not only mention it but to seek help if they are serious about their killing themselves but not serious enough to make a logical decision about their death.

Erika Endsley