Sunday, August 17, 2014

Chemical Imbalances You Probably Don't Have

Mental illness and chemical imbalances have become a bit trendy, as have their titles being used as ways to explain relatively normal behavior. It wouldn't be a big deal if it were not for the fact that self-diagnosis is dangerous and stupid when it comes to chemical imbalance, and those who REALLY have chemical imbalances do not use it as an excuse for every annoying trait they have.

ADHD/ADD. You probably don't have either of these. I was officially diagnosed with ADHD several times, specifically "inattentive type." Most adults with ADHD have issues completing tasks like a normal human being; despite the fact that many of us are neat freaks "on the inside" or love organization, when I have a music video playing in my head it can be hard to even see the task in front of me. Completing it and then moving on to another task is very rare. We are more likely to do several tasks at once, completing maybe two of them eventually, forgetting another two even existed, and then a new task begins and who the fuck knows what could happen. With the help of sticky notes, timers, white boards, and cute little organizers, I can kind of function like an adult. But when while having a particularly "ADHD day" any and all carefully acquired social skills get lost in translation between all the fun little things my brain is doing.  Although ADHD can make you jittery, stop walking around claiming ADHD because you had too much coffee or sugar. ADHD does not make you squeal or make you particularly loud, and it certainly is not a fun, fabulous thing to have.



Bipolar. Bipolar Disorder is not the same thing as being moody. Professionals over-diagnose this in teenagers and in adults because people have fucking moods. Sorry, but being moody is a personality trait of certain temperaments and can even be *gasp* the result of actual environmental circumstances. If something good happens and you're happy, and an hour later something bad happens and you're sad, that is not a "mood swing due to Bipolar." That is not being a robot. People with Bipolar have periods of mania where they may not even be really "happy" but they have energy and euphoria and destroy their lives by over-spending, or they talk so much they know they should stop but can't, or they stay up for days and lose track of time and get into shit they normally would not. They have depressive stages that are so severe they can't function. They have mixed episodes, and sometimes their moods combine in a special little way that causes them to have psychosis. You having your period is not you being Bipolar. You screaming at your boyfriend and being dramatic at a party is not Bipolar, that's just you being an asshole.



OCD. Actual OCD is an anxiety issue where a person has repeated thoughts and/or behaviors to keep their anxiety in check (although participating in the thoughts and behaviors makes it worse.) Intrusive thoughts can be horrifying. Someone may be so afraid of their house being broken into that they lock the door repeatedly or they keep having intrusive thoughts of their child being hurt so they repeated phrases to themselves or even avoid letting their child leave their site. People with OCD may avoid cars because of their thoughts.They have horrible anxiety that causes irrational rituals to try and keep it under control. OCD is not being a very organized, anal retentive person. Being OCD does not mean you need to sit in the same spot everytime you're at the movies because you're an entitled prick.

Panic Attacks. People don't claim this one as much as the others or over-use it as much but people still seem to love calling every ounce of anxiety a "panic attack." Panicking is not necessarily a panic attack. Regular anxiety about meeting new people is not a panic attack. Panic attacks often come out of NOWHERE and if they are linked to a specific thing, they can often happen when just thinking about it. It isn't just an increased heart rate. You are probably not having a panic attack because someone you like texted you. You're probably just nervous.  If you did, however, feel like you were having an out-of-body-experience and your vision went blurry and you thought you were dying of a heart attack, maybe you did.



Depression. Being depressed chronically is not the same thing as being sad. Even being sad for a long period of time is not the same thing as having chemically-induced depression. If your life circumstances are causing you to be depressed, and the depression would go away if your life was different, that is not the same thing as having a chemical imbalance that makes you feel like a pile of shit no matter what is going on. This does not mean that the medication they give you cannot help you function until circumstances change, but taking on the attitude that you have no control over your happiness is fucking unhealthy. And please do not say you are "suffering from depression" because your friend bailed on you an hour ago. Just no.

Anyway, there are people with chemical imbalances who have every reason to claim them. Do not take away from the meaning or importance of the terms by claiming you have a serious condition to excuse a momentary behavioral oddity or mood.




Friday, August 8, 2014

Super Unique and Special In Every Way - Personality Disordered Idiocy

I have not updated in a very long time; I have been preoccupied. I was writing professionally for a site, which now has most of my old blog posts and a lot of newer content. I also got married and am almost 9 months pregnant. I will be giving birth to a baby girl in just a few weeks. Life has changed a lot, and I cannot wait to not be pregnant anymore and to continue with this new phase.

If you are familiar with my usual content, you know I study personality disorders, especially those in the more dangerous category. In the last 9 months, I have continued to study and write about such, but I have certainly become disenchanted with the individuals themselves. I talk to many. I now understand one reason therapists are not allowed to be "friends" with their patients. When I announced the pregnancy, peoples true colors began to really shine through (as does everyones when there are issues of birth, weddings, death etc) and those with Personality Disorders were no different. Reactions ranged from being annoyed and hateful that I wouldn't be able to donate as much time to them, to asking me why I wasn't going to get an abortion, to concerns about the fact that I wouldn't be thin anymore (and I'm not - I'm huge, but its temporary and it's none of anyones business.) It was a bit frazzling. Most assumed that I was also personality deficit in some way - unable to really be a parent or handle pregnancy.  Some of them outright attacked me, or if I expressed annoyance with certain things (like being asked why I didn't get an abortion) the attitude was that I was the one with a personality hangup - not them.



I quickly realized (not that I did not know already) that many Personality Disordered individuals find themselves EXTREMELY FUCKING INTERESTING, especially if they are Cluster B or have paranoid tendencies. They can talk about each tiny detail of their emotional or mental landscape for hours - do not dare try to talk about yourself or they will tell you they are not interested or they will be accusational, projecting their own traits onto you until you just shut up so they can return to talking about themselves. And if you even begin to think about telling them "This is Narcissism, you don't really seem to be the cold calculating Psychopath you claim to be" or "You aren't all that different from a self-absorbed teenager" they will say you are certainly attacking them and that you are crazy and personality deficient. I believe that people in general self-project a lot, but those with Personality Disorders do so immensely. I'm not sure they can help it - many of them cannot fathom that, although they are Super Unique And Special in Every Way, others do not experience the world as they do. Not everyone has Narcissism, Sadistic, or Avoidant tinted glasses on. You cannot be Super Unique And Special In Every Way and also know what everyone's motives are.



I do not intend to stop studying Personality Disorders, although this will certainly take a backseat to other things in my life (being a wife and mother and whatnot.) But I am not enchanted with those who have the disorders. Everyone - no matter how healthy - has characteristics of one or more Personality Disorders, and these tend to come out under stress - but having a diagnosis (or self diagnosis) does not make you special. Do you want a cookie for your behavioral pattern issues? Do you realize that you can't even plead insanity with a Personality Disorder? That's right, motherfucker, you are in control of your behavior. Of course, I do know that, depending on the disorder, there is a lot of grief to be had as far as anxiety, depression, isolation, and that many people with the disorders do not like that they have them. But there are those who turn it into their identity, and the ones who do that have no idea what the world, or other people, are actually like. Sometimes after a conversation, I'm just totally bewildered by some of the things I'm told and asked. Trying to explain empathy (not that I have a lot) or trying to explain emotions to someone who cannot really feel them is like trying to explain color to someone who sees black and white. Sorry sir but getting offended is not going to make me "admit" that I don't know how to socialize or how to relate to others. I refuse to let such people make me question my own sanity - and trust me, people, if anyone can make you question your own reality, it's people who are out of touch with it.