Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Study of Imagination

I am in constant strong use of my imagination. This isn't because I practiced to do so, but I am almost always having a minor out-of-body experience or the sensation that I am a very foreign organism existing in a slow-motion world (this was attributed to "Schizotypal Personality Disorder" by a shrink but I don't know if that was an accurate diagnosis). But for whatever reason, probably Aspergers-related but who knows, I am emotionally much younger than I am. Intellectually I am older. But my emotions are about 11 years old. This has an influence on how conversations happen for me. 
Much of the time, the conversations I have are very one-way. Sometimes I have monologues. But usually it's the other way around, and the other person has to do the heavy lifting in the conversation. I just don't know what to say or if I should say anything in a lot of cases and sometimes there is nothing to say or it's just not my department. See also: extreme issues with small talk.

However, when I write dialogue, I write a lot of dialogue. I have written several novels and they are full of dialogue. My characters have a lot to say to eachother. Even the main female who is socially oblivious can converse better than I do. So what exactly is it that my characters have that I don't?
And once I identify that, could I mimic it and fit in like an NT?

As much as I believe that one of the reasons is because my characters don't interrupt eachother and real people do, there's probably something else to the whole deal. My imagination is my primary outlet and tool for processing things out of my little world. I don't think I am empathizing with people and don't realize it, but I think I've figured out how frustrated I am with not being able to express my own thoughts and/or emotions to other people in my waking life. My writing and drawing aren't something I took up to be cool, I had to do it to get out pent up energy. The amount of writing dialogue I do has much to do with how emotionally wound up I should be in real life. 

That's all. Just rambling before I go edit more dialogue into my 2nd novels draft.

Dizzy.

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