Friday, July 19, 2013

I Turn My Headphones On

[and today, the beautiful Freddie Lounds will helps me explain.]



I am generally, as a person, functional in society as an un-official  therapist and guide. While this may sound funny because I spent early 2013 in jail and the psych ward, it is what I do and I do it well and I enjoy it because it's as close to my future psych career as I can get right now. Some of my people are genuine friends.
But some days I have things to do. Today I cooked a lot, cleaned a lot, had to go to the lawyers office, finished a painting, braided my dolls hair...
And the whole time I hear "bing! bing! bing!" from Facebook and texts from people wanting me to give my "opinion" on their writings or their thoughts or they want to philosophize. As much as I LOVE philosophy, tooday is not the day, and I told ALL of you I'd be busy today.


"Are you still cooking Dizzy? Are you still busy? Look at this link. Are you cooking. What are you doing?"
-I told you, several days ago, I was planning to make homemade-bread, Estonian tomato-cheese soup, and cherry pie. 
CHERRY CHERRY BOOM BOOM. 
So why can't you let Dizzy be Dizzy for a day? Just herself?

I am a highly apathetic person. Apathetic by definition is:
 Apathy is a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concernexcitementmotivation and passion. An apathetic individual has an absence of interest in or concern about emotional, social, spiritual, philosophical and/or physical life.



While my interests happen to be specialized in social, philosophical  and sometimes spiritual matters, I am totally apathetic to what you do personally. I  view things objectively outside of my code. I don't mind hearing about and [T]hinking about your problems, and I like trying to fix them. But why is this?
Well, I just said it. I like thinking about and fixing problems, using my abstract intelligence and creativity. With my followers, it is usually psychological. 
But in situations where you want *my* personal opinion on the matter, I fail. I will give you the scientific reasons, I'll give you a potential diagnosis, I'll tell you how to get out of your bad state. I like doing these things. A Youtube channel is dedicated to it.



The issue arises when people forget that I am not actually on a throne of knowledge  sitting idly while servant hand me new material to memorize. I am a young female trying to make do with day-to-day activities with atypical Autism, aka Aspergers o the mid-function range. 
Just because I was raised in the South and was taught meticulous manners does not mean I am more than mid-functioning. 
This means I have college, rent, my hobbies [which most fo you consider lame pastimes] as well as a very small social life outside of the internet. I observe and create.



My problem is that I have an issue with relationships and friendships that are all give and no take. I'm usually all give. That is how I feel with 100% of my daily interactions now. 

This isn't bad when it's a "patient," but when it's someone who should be worried about you, then it becomes a slight. 

People are people, and all people are self-centered. Coming from a self-centered person, if you don't WANT to be this way, check yourself, although I do not advocate it.
The more quickly society stop with the niceties and begins blunt-speak, the better. As much as I want to cause havoc for those of you who consider me a warm computer rather than I human, I won't, because I'll turn it off and I won't feel a thing. 
The problem is give-and-take with my patients. Do they want to be my friend or do they want to be my patient?
Most of my patients are lonely, due to a Schiz-Spectrum issue, Aspergers, and sometimes bipolar. 
It doesn't matter.


You go into my research, a nameless number, because in a few years I'm going to have people to show up.

I do independent research. I do it a lot. I guess it gets my rocks off. 

Like my last blog, Derealization and Depersonalization, you can send all of your pain to me, and since my feelings or off, you get an objective  answer. Because I am outside of you entirely - an empath would give a more subjective answer. 

I don't matter to you, which is fine - I don't want to. Just like all you want is my help.  But seeing as I know this is all a lie of society, why do I participate? 
I only partially to win. It's a game.
Everything is a game.


Like my creation Erika, if you call me ugly, I make sure your face is burned off so you're uglier. 
As someone smarter than you, I can fix things, or I can make it a lot worse.


Bottom line, be interesting, or I don't care. End of story.

Your input is important to the psychological advancement of society. 



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