Monday, July 8, 2013

New York

I find myself missing NYC. I lived there for a bit over a year, ages 19 and 20. I basically ran away - no one knew I was leaving except the person who took me to the airport.

I'm not a big city person because of all the people and whatnot. But I think I would have done so much better had I not been so controlled, I felt like Rapunzel. In a room upstairs, isolated and dreaming.
But when I first got there, it wasn't like that. I was wide eyed and ready to embrace Orthodox Judaism. Something I had wanted my whole life. 
At first, I experienced - or saw and somewhat participated in - family. The concept of family. Each Shabbos [sundown Friday to sundown Saturday when you rest and can't do ANYTHING] we sat around a big table and a lot of special food was made. Everyone made something. I was the salad/desert person really... 
A family sitting together, much less praying and taling to eachother and laughing - was so foreign to me I was in shock. 
I liked tzniut, or modesty, and it was actually very comforting for a while to be so covered up, but it got in the way of my personal expression too much but I did learn the value of modesty in presentation. 

Of course, I was there long enough to see that they had issues, and in the end they all hated me and want me dead, even the ones who liked me for almost a whole year. I cannot be held down. I discovered that through Judaism. But I learned there are families who still value decency, who don't threaten murder when you make them mad, etc.
Of course, I'm a Christian now. 
I also miss being able to walk everywhere - I like nature more, but as a wanderer, sidewalks are fabulous. 

I don't know. I have wanderlust and I miss the big city and the idea of a little unity. 


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